the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
