im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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