I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
