what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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