Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
