Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
