I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
