Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
