I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
