This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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