How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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