What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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