arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
