So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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