im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
