I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I could fuck to npr.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
