You're so nebulous sometimes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
