I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize