What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
