It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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