I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like a drive thru vagina
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize