Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
