phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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