make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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