Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
