there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
