I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
