our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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