I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize