im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
