Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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