put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
