we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
