Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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