i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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