I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
