5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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