is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
