More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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