last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
