that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
