u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
high people should be assigned attendants
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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