just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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