the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
