He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
