I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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