I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
