are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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