I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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