I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize