just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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