i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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