i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I wear drunk well.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
