Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
