got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize