just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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