so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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