The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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