The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
