Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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