How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
A bitchslap is in order.
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