Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
