I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
