so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
