can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
