It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
