So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
