I heard we made out
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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