She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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