if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
