Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
