How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
