Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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