woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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