My hand turned me down
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
