there's paper in my vomit.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize