I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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