Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
